This being my first blog post. lets talk about me.
Am fighting a battle that I deliberately choose, I don’t know if it was by chance or fate as some would have it or rather by pressure from society I honestly don’t know why am here. Am pretty sure am not the only one but as of now its my tale to tell. The roots of life are bitter they said but the fruits are worthwhile. A million and one things are floating on my small brain which seems like avast vacuum with each thought echoing in my ears like a loud bang.
Why chose a battle that you are not even armed for? am I crazy? I wonder. You will be fine they said, eeeiiiisshh!! Will I? Am now second-guessing my ability to do things. Fatigue is catching up with me just by the mere thought of mortal combat. I should be feeling like Floyd in this May Weather but quite the contrary.
Now decide, let me recruit more enforcement for this battle, “The oil skin of the family is not to be shared by strangers skin” hiya!! You have to be kidding me!! In order for peace I have to go to this war. I encourage thy self. So lets change strategy. Wait!! I ask myself is this war even worthy? Is it? Then again I remember I have no option, I chose it ,I have to see it to the end,my life, reputation and everything I have desperately worked for so hard in those little decades of my existence are on the line. Should I risk it all and surrender? After all cowards live longer or should I stay and subject myself to no guarantee of victory?
Sip some water and let it stay in your mouth, don’t swallow, let it stay till you can’t utter a word, I recall. Like a statue I stand there in the battle field with my eyes shut to see if my mind will fall for the “its a dream ” trick But no! The light that consumes our youth day by day burns with fury even my eyes can’t resist the heat, my anger boiling point is oozing from all openings, am breathing fire literally, I can’t even notice that my heart beat is faster that the most gate-away bank robbery cars ever known. Am trembling, the moment has come, I have to face my Goliath. Shoot!! I can’t speak, have I completely forgotten the art of speaking? My very own tutor Ms Elizabeth would have very disappointed.
The moment has come to test my many years of experience in patience or even calmness, I don’t even know which is which at this point.
Keep in mind, this war has no judges, there for no matter the outcome I will win no trophy nor praise,maybe “Good Job” should pat i guess. To my surprise, the number of spectators is overwhelming, however with me only a handful come to be on my side, other came to see my downfall . It’s a shame how people Jubilate on someone else fall . “You can do this” I feel them say this. Am jittering shaking like a plastic paper vividly recalling Ketty’s song ” Fireworks……Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?”
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. I encourage my self more and more, He has sent me to bind up the broken hearts, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. This biblical verse from Isaiah 61 runs into my mind.
Will I ever emerge a victor or a victim? I wonder to myself.
We all fight different battles, and every soldier thinks something of the moral aspects of what he is doing. But all war is immoral and if you let that bother you, you’re not a good soldier,its said. Am i good soldier? or I’m just a living example that one can be an imperfect soldier who keeps questioning his/her intent and still be in the army fighting for God Almighty? With certainty I know for sure I have faith strong enough to carry me on, for am reminded the battle has already been fought and won on my behalf and therefore my dears I am to sing unto the Lord because he hath dealt bountifully with me.
Don’t you think you got to be perfect ’cause I ain’t.
